King Argrath

Gloranthan Folk Tales

Gloranthan Songbook

Moonie Madness

Carmanian Sources

Malkioni Scriptures

"This is all well enough, I suppose, King Argrath. But do you not know that the Yellow Emperor of the East possesses a treasure so wonderful that everyone in his lands is better off for it? They live longer, they work harder, they pay him more taxes, and they love him for it!" King Argrath was struck by rage and jealousy to hear this. He summoned his armies, and marched against the Empire of the East.

Nobody had ever done this before, of course, because the Yellow Empire is separated from Dragon Pass by the Great Wastes. But Argrath's army included all of the Tribes of Prax, and they showed him how to survive in that desolate land, bringing their herds of nomadic beasts to feed and protect the army, and leading him swiftly and surely through the desert.

But even the warlike Praxians had never attacked the Empire of the East, because it is guarded from the Wastes by a great wall of impregnable Iron Forts. These are protected by an army of inscrutable dragon soldiers, and behind them are great grey beasts called elephants, which can dash a man to death with their noses. And they had never been defeated.

King Argrath drew up his army in the desert before the line of impregnable forts, and he ordered the Praxians to march their herds widdershins around the host. Faster and faster they went, until the greatest stampede in the world was turning about King Argrath's army. Then a great whirlwind spun down, amid clouds of choking dust, and picked up the army and carried them to the other side of the Iron Forts.

They fell upon the great grey elephants from behind, and found that they were not so fierce with their noses cut off. The injured elephants charged away from King Argrath's army, crushing the army of dragon soldiers into an inscrutable paste against the impregnable iron forts. King Argrath then rushed into the Empire of the East in search of the Yellow Emperor.

King Argrath caught him just as he was fleeing across a mighty bridge to his palace on the other side. "Yield!" he cried. "Give me the treasure which I seek. Give me the only thing in the world which I have never owned! Or I will smash your palace, and break your bridge, and let the nomad herds of Prax graze in your pleasure-gardens!"

The Yellow Emperor of the East turned pale at these threats, and said: "I would gladly yield my treasure to you to avoid such a fate, but the truth is, I don't have it any more. I believe the Black Jann of the South possesses it now: perhaps you should go to him and demand it with menaces? I am very sorry to inconvenience you in this way, and greatly regret that your trip to my Empire has been such a waste of time."

Nothing daunted, King Argrath called off his forces (who were plundering the rice paddies and knocking the tops off pagodas) and marched them to the sea. He called his wise men, and they designed a great boat, shaped like a Cradle, which could carry his whole army across the Ocean to the Black Lands of the Southern Continent. The army leapt aboard, and they were off, whizzing southwards across the Ocean, spinning around the Great Whirlpool like a twig in the stream, before running aground on a sandy beach beside a jungle in the lands of the Black Jann of the South.

The Black Jann had drawn up his army of Agimori Men-And-A-Half to meet them at the jungle's edge. These great black men from the Southern Continent are half again the size of normal men in every direction, and as the firstborn children of Lodril they carry mighty spears. They had no intention of allowing King Argrath's army to disembark from the Cradle, but swore they would chop them to bits piecemeal, and then eat them.

So instead of sending out his troops to be cut to ribbons, King Argrath ordered his dancing girls out first. The beautiful women of Esrolia swirled out onto the sand, in the most erotic and enticing display ever seen in the South. The Men-And-A-Half were profoundly affected: the blood rushed from all their extremities into their mighty spears, and as they fell fainting to the ground and wrestling with their engorged manhoods, the army of King Argrath rushed from the Cradle and took them from behind. The carnage was terrible. The Black Jann of the South fled the destruction of his army in a chariot pulled by peacocks (for there are no horses in the Southern Continent), but King Argrath was faster upon his Grazeland charger, and swiftly ran him to earth. "Yield!" he cried. "Give me the treasure which I seek. Give me the only thing in the world which I have never owned! Or I will crumble the towers of your coral palace and burn your jungle to ashes!"

The Black Jann of the South turned white with fear, and said: "Master! Do not slay me! The treasure you seek is not here any more! But the White King of the West rules a mighty Empire: he must know where it is to be found!" With unflinching resolve, King Argrath called off his forces (who were ravaging the bazaars and souks of the southern cities) and returned them to the Cradle. They pushed off from the Southern Continent, and whizzed past Old Jrustela as the spinning currents dragged them towards the White Kingdom of the West.

In the Kingdom of the West, their landing was unopposed. For the Army of the West is of mighty horsemen, called Knights: they fight dressed from head to foot in iron, on the back of black warhorses from Hell, and they are undefeatable in battle. Behind them were batteries of artillery, great dwarf-built catapults and mangonels and trebuchets for hurling mighty rocks upon their foes. They arrayed themselves on the green Asgolan Fields to meet the army of King Argrath.

King Argrath knew he had no troops as good as these Knights of the West, who would surely cut through his army like an iron knife through straw. So although he lined up his battle-troops against them, when they charged he pulled aside the centre of his line, and the nomad herds of Prax were revealed. The smell of these beasts is odious to horses, even to the black warhorses of Hell: they turned white at the shock and collapsed, thrashing and vomiting on the ground, throwing their riders who were impaled upon their own lances, or who sank into the ground at the impact.

The White King of the West saw the disaster, and fled upon his charger to his great, stone-walled castle, banging shut the iron portcullis and locking himself up in his topmost tower. But King Argrath's wise men had already fathomed the workings of the catapults and mangonels and trebuchets, and they launched his warriors spinning through the air: they landed atop the highest battlements, and fought their way down into the castle from above.

King Argrath himself caught the White King of the West on the spiral staircase of his highest tower. "Yield!" he cried. "Give me the treasure which I seek. Give me the only thing in the world which I have never owned! Or I will tear apart the very stones of your castle, and hurl you out to sea from that mighty catapult yonder." The White King of the West turned whiter still, and said, "I yield me! Thou hast bested me, and my strength availeth not against your force. Prithee, good sir, for the treasure you seek is not to be found in my dominions. The only ruler greater than I is the Red Emperor of the North: an he possesseth it not, surely no man may do so!"

Taking heart from this news, King Argrath called off his forces (who were holding impromptu tourneys through the fields of the West) and turned against the Red Empire of the North.

Now you must know that the Red Emperor had never invaded the lands of the White King of the West only because there is a lofty mountain range between their lands, uncrossable except at one pass. And no normal army can use this pass, for it goes so high, between cliffs of ice and snow, that the slightest sound will trigger an avalanche and sweep everyone to their doom, be it only so little as the slightest cough, or belch, or fart.

King Argrath's wise men knew this, and before the climb they gave everyone a drink of golden mead and a bowl of porridge to eat. The herbs in the mead ensured that no-one would catch a cold and sneeze, while the stodgy, salted porridge ensured that everyone was bunged up inside and would not suffer from a catastrophic bowel movement while the army was in the pass. In grim silence they crossed the mountains, and when they descended to the other side they all relieved themselves: the land where they did this is now a festering cesspit called Dorastor, and you should know that it was King Argrath's army who made it that way, as they marched against the Red Empire of the North.

The Red Emperor had seen them coming from his highest minaret, and he drew up his army to meet them in a mighty phalanx, rank upon rank of iron-armoured hoplites, who moved as one man and were invulnerable in defence. Behind them, the Red Emperor himself sat upon the Crimson Bat, a mighty demon with all-devouring appetite. The Red Army of the North fought as normal men, but when the Moon was full none could stand against their warped fanaticism. As King Argrath's army deployed against them on the plains of Peloria, the Red Moon was turning its quizzical gaze more and more fully towards them, summoning up all its magical powers.

King Argrath knew, though, that until the full of the moon the hoplites would not attack, only defend (though in defence they were invulnerable). So he waited, and he waited, as the iron spearpoints shone more and more redly in the ever-brighter moonlight before him, until the Red Moon was full. Then, as one man the Red Army of the North turned about, falling to their knees to offer praise to the Full Moon at their rear. At that moment, Argrath unleashed his berserkers, men who fought naked, swinging great swords as tall as themselves: swirling and chopping they ran amok through the prostrated ranks of the army upon their prayer-mats, and left none living.

The Red Emperor pulled on the reins of the Crimson Bat, to send it to devour King Argrath's army, but seeing a feast of mangled men before it, the demon glutted itself upon them instead. As the Red Emperor raged upon its back, he fell off, down through the air, to land in the mud with his neck beneath King Argrath's booted foot.

"Yield!" King Argrath cried. "Give me the treasure which I seek! Give me the only thing in the world which I have never owned! Or I will smash your aqueducts, and sack your cities, and wash my armies in your bath-houses!"

The Red Emperor of the North replied, "I cannot give you the treasure which you seek. But my mother, the Moon Goddess, surely can. She dwells on the Red Moon, and all the treasures of the earth are hers to bestow."

Argrath spoke with his wise men, and they told him how he might reach the Red Moon itself. He led his army to the tallest mountain in Glorantha, called Mount Top-Of-The-World. They marched around and around, higher and higher, cutting a path into its side as they rose until it was carved like Stormwalk Mountain with a spiral road to the top. When they reached the summit, they could see the Red Moon hanging across from them, floating in the Middle Air. King Argrath spurred his charger and leapt through the empty air, mile after mile, high above the world below, until with a shock he landed upon the Red Moon.

The Moon opened before him like the petals of a flower, and within he saw a beautiful woman, fairer than any at his court. She spoke to him softly, but he would not listen. Dragging his iron sword from its scabbard, King Argrath held it to the throat of the Goddess of the Moon, and cried: "Yield! Give me the treasure which I seek! Give me the only thing in the world which I have never owned! Or I will tear you from the sky, and shatter you across the earth, and make it as if you had never been!"

The Moon Goddess smiled, and said, "Yes, great King. I possess the treasure for which you have made war against the world. And I will give it to you freely, if you will accept it. For that treasure which you have never owned, and never known, is Peace: a treasure so wonderful that everyone in the land which possesses will live longer, work harder, pay higher taxes, and love the ruler who can grant it to them."

She reached out her hand, touching King Argrath upon the forehead. There and then, he knew Peace. He looked out from the Red Moon to see the ruin he had made of the world, and he wept like an unconsolable child.

The tears of King Argrath washed over the Red Moon, draining it of colour, turning it white. They fell down upon the world below like rain. The lamentations of King Argrath unbalanced the White Moon, shaking it from its place, moving it across the heavens. They boomed out over the world below like thunder. Argrath cast aside his weapons: they fell like bolts of lightning. He cast aside his crown: his hair and beard covered the sky like clouds, at first the blackest stormclouds, but later, white as snow.

Below the wandering Moon, the empires of the world lay in ruins: King Argrath's doing. Great storms covered the sky, bringing grief and destruction: King Argrath's doing. Greed and ignorance had destroyed the old world, wrecked all that was beautiful, banished peace forever: King Argrath's doing.

This is the thing King Argrath did. This is how the White Moon came to be. This is the story of the Man in the Moon, and how he weeps for the world below. This is why Peace is nowhere to be found.

Hail the Goddess!

Bless us!