Argrath the Stickpicker
A gentle breeze came and blew in his ear, and it whispered: "Argrath, Argrath: I am Orlanth, King of the Gods. Worship me, and I will make you strong."
And Argrath the stickpicker said: "I'm so glad you came here, Orlanth: I'm scared! I keep worrying that nomad raiders from Prax will come and attack me here on the side of my hill. They'll scatter my sticks and burn my hut and leave me for dead, buried up to my neck in an anthill. I want to be strong: I want to lead a brave band of Praxian raiders! I'd be the chief of a secret society, and I'd straddle my nomadic steed and comb the Big Rubble in search of ancient treasures. We'd camp out under the night sky on the Plaines of Prax, and sing bawdy ballads beneath the stars."
And the breeze whispered, "Pray to me when you go to sleep tonight, and in the morning you will see what you will see."
So Argrath Stickpicker prayed to Orlanth that night, and when he woke up next morning he was Argrath White Bull, the greatest raiding khan of Prax. In his warband were men from all the tribes; he mastered the secrets of their societies, and plundered the heart of the Big Rubble. He led raids deep into Dragon Pass, and he slept under the stars with his mighty steed.
The breeze blew north, and the breeze blew south. The breeze blew east, and it blew back west, to where Argrath White Bull sat carousing with his men in their camp on the Plaines of Prax. And the breeze had grown to be a light wind, which made the fire flicker as it said: "Argrath, Argrath: I am Orlanth, King of the Gods. Worship me, and I will make you strong."
And Argrath White Bull said: "I'm glad you came back, Orlanth: I'm worried! Whenever we raid into Dragon Pass, I'm always afraid I'll run into a warband of Sartarite warriors, all in armour with sharp spears and hard hats. They'd make mincemeat of my Praxian braves, and take our heads as trophies! I want to be strong: I want to be the chief of a Sartarite warband! My men would all wear tough hide armour and carry long swords by their sides, and I'd have a metal shirt. They'd dwell in my hill fort, and call me 'Lord,' and hail me in the mornings. And we'd take what we needed to live off from the tribes around, and nobody would dare stand against us!"
And the wind said, "Pray to me when you go to sleep tonight, and in the morning you will see what you will see."
So Argrath White Bull prayed to Orlanth that night, and when he woke up in the morning he was Argrath Dragonspear, the leader of a Sartarite warband. He led a thousand men on great cattle raids against the surrounding tribes, and none dared reclaim the property his fyrd took. In his hall was foaming mead and good company for all, a joint roasting over the fire and a bard to sing his praises.
The wind it blew north, and the wind blew south. It blew to the east, and it blew back west, to the hall where Argrath Dragonspear sat in his wooden throne, quaffing mead from his horn. And the wind was now a gale, which sundered the doors and shouted: "Argrath, Argrath: I am Orlanth, King of the Gods! Worship me, and I will make you strong!"
And Argrath Dragonspear said: "At last you're here, Orlanth: I'm frightened! The Queen has it in for me, because I'm so bold: one of these days she'll summon her army and throw us out of our hill-fort. They'd outnumber us ten to one, and they'd all take vengeance on us for our past raids! I want to be strong: I want to be the King of Sartar! I'd live in a palace in Boldhome, and have Eorls to ride out and keep the tribes in order. The Stormwalkers and the Wolfrunners would do my bidding; the cities would pay tithes and tolls to me; all twenty-four tribal kings would obey my orders. If I were king of Sartar, I'd be safe at last."
And the gale screamed, "Pray to me when you go to sleep tonight, and in the morning you will see what you will see!"
So Argrath Dragonspear prayed to Orlanth when he went to sleep that night, and the next morning when he woke up he was King Argrath of Sartar. His royal fire was twenty feet high, and it kept his lofty stone palace in Boldhome warm and cosy. He commanded the twenty-four tribes and the royal army of Sartar, and many great magicians flocked to his service. He had an Iron Ring of Lightbringers to advise him, and he wore rich robes and a golden crown.
The gale blew north, and the gale blew south. It blew to the east, and it blew back west, where it had grown to be a mighty storm. It tore into King Argrath's royal palace in Boldhome, ripping tiles from the rooftops, and bellowed: "Argrath! Argrath! I am Orlanth, King of the Gods! Worship me, and I will make you strong!"
And King Argrath said: "Thank all the Gods you returned, Orlanth: I'm petrified! My kingdom is so rich the King of Tarsh keeps threatening to invade. His land is twice the size of mine, and his army is far more skilled in war. They've got allies from all across the Pass: cannibal virgins, and Beast Men, and Grazer horsemen, and Trolls from the Dark Lands. We don't stand a chance! I want to be strong: I want to be the High King of Dragon Pass! That way I wouldn't have to worry about my neighbours. I'd be the King of Tarsh, and Vanch, and Aggar, and Imther, and Holay, and Saird, and they'd make me Pharoah of the Holy Country, and Duke of Wenelia, and Count of Prax. And anything else I forgot to mention just then."
And the storm bellowed: "Pray to me when you go to sleep tonight, and in the morning you will see what you will see!"
So King Argrath of Sartar prayed to Orlanth that night, and next morning when he awoke he was High King Argrath of Dragon Pass, ruling over Tarsh, Vanch and Aggar, Imther, Holay and Saird, acting-Pharoah of Kethaela, Duke of Wenelia, and Count of Prax. And probably some other places as well. He ruled from atop the Dragon's Eye over all the surrounding kingdoms and peoples. Inhuman dragonewts prostrated themselves before him, hissing out his praises with their forked tongues. Mechanical men and wind children served in his court, which was famed across the world for its magnificent richness and splendour.
The storm blew north, and the storm blew south. The storm blew east, and the storm blew west, and by now it had grown to be the greatest hurricane ever. It whipped around the Dragon's Eye until the wind children were made quite dizzy and even the dragons had to land, and it thundered: "ARGRATH! ARGRATH! I AM ORLANTH, KING OF THE GODS! WORSHIP ME, AND I WILL MAKE YOU STRONG!"
And High King Argrath said: "You didn't come a moment too soon, Orlanth: I'm absolutely terrified! My realms are so magnificent that the Red Emperor wants them for himself. He rules the whole of the north, and has twenty times as many soldiers as I do. And every one of them wears iron. What's more, he commands the Crater Makers, and rides on the Crimson Bat. We couldn't begin to resist him! I want to be strong: I want to be the Red Emperor! That way I'd rule the whole world from my magical palace on the moon. I'd sleep with a different concubine each night, and I'd eat humming-birds' tongues, and hamsters roasted in honey, and newtling tails in aspic. I'd send my legions out across the world, and make everyone obey my laws. And if I ever died, I'd come back a week later looking just the same!"
And the hurricane howled: "PRAY TO ME WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT, AND IN THE MORNING YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOU WILL SEE!"
So High King Argrath of Dragon Pass prayed to Orlanth that night, and when he woke up next morning he was back on the side of a hill in Sartar, picking up sticks.
