The Time the Emperor Died
by John Nowicki
A short, short time ago,I can still remember
when Hirkane ruled the Petal Throne.
And we all hoped his wormy son,
Would never, ever be the one:
We'd be better with the Goddess of Pale Bone.
Pariah Deities make me shiver,
With every line that I deliver:
Bad news on the doorstep,
And I'd better watch my step.
I can't remember if I cried,
When I thought of his 463rd widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside,
The time, the Emperor died.
Chorus
Ohe, Ai! Old Hirkane has died.
Took the tubecar to the funeral,
But the circuits were fried.
Prince Dhich'une and Baron Ald were allied,
Shouting "All our enemies must now die!
All our enemies must now die!"
Did you fix the Kolumel?
For a Prince with a necrotic smell?
'Cause the Worm Lord told you so?
And did you hire a Yan Koryani merc?
With a bunch of Vra and a vengeance quirk?
And make him kill your enemies real slow?
Now I know Prince Dhich'une's Undead,
'Cause I saw him eat a human head!
The OAL returned,
That corpse was soon interned!
I was a n'er-do-well of Clan Sea Blue
With a unique perspective and an attitude,
But I knew I was hip deep too,
The time, the Emperor died.
Chorus
Now for feels way more than just one year,
The Empire's been in a Civil War:
I guess that's how it has to be...
While the Princes fight for the Petal Throne,
With armies they gathered all alone,
The rest of us just tried to flee.
Oh, and while the Princes fought so bold,
Ma'in Kruthai renounced the Gold.
Dhich'une's plans unfold:
He's never getting old!
Rereshquala read the Book of Deeds,
While smoking wacky Jakallan weeds:
I hope he remembered to send me the seeds,
The time, the Emperor died.
Chorus
Helter skelter in Jakallan swelter,
Ma'in did an entire Foreigner's shelter,
Eight times she made it last.
The troops were slaughtered on the grass,
As the various Princes tried to pass,
It looked just like the bloody Plains of Glass
While the burning pyres were sweet perfume,
And the Hereksas sang a marching tune,
We got out of the way,
And did our best to pray.
As Ald's troops went and took the field,
Miryusa's troops refused to yield,
And we all saw what was revealed,
The time, the Emperor died.
Chorus
And there they were all in one place,
The Princes' forces fought for space,
With no time left to start again.
So, Ald be nimble, Ald be quick,
Mirusysa's coming, though Eselne's sick,
And your ally Dhich'une's an undead prick.
And as he cowered on the throne,
He showed no nerve and ran alone,
His allies born in hell,
Opened up a portal spell.
And as they fled up into the night,
Past the pyres of Vimuhla's sacrificial light,
Meanwhile Ma'in did 12 Shen with delight,
The time, the Emperor died.
Chorus
The other Princes all renounced the Gold,
As civil conflict had gotten really old,
And Mirusya took the Petal Throne to stay.
I went down to the Sarku Church,
They'd been left in quite a lurch,
But the man there said the Worm Lord would'nt play.
And in the streets the people screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken,
Avanthar was quite broken.
And while this went on the Mooks did boast,
They went and marched their mighty host,
And invaded to the Livyani coast,
The time, the Emperor died....
Chorus
Chorus
